I have been incarcerated over 36 years because when I was 19 years old and pregnant I killed, at that time, the love of my life. Prison has been a time of remorse, growth & penance.
I’d like to share a little about my journey. Most people will tell you the pain lessens with time, but at least in my case, I can’t say that is true. With each passing year, I mature and realize the immense gravity and permanency of my actions. Regardless of how emotionally rejected and dejected I felt when my crime happened , there was no reason for me to make a violent choice or to hurt anyone.
I am sorry for all the pain I have caused to others. I have ultimately come to terms with the fact that I cannot undo my crime, and can only move forward with an intention of reparation and service toward others.
I have worked very hard on my own healing. When I committed my crime back in 1987, I didn’t understand myself: my trans male sexuality, my experience as a trans-racial adoptee who had been given up by my birth mother, surviving a sexually abusive father, deep emotional suffering and lack of healthy coping mechanisms. I was a teenager with a hard start in life. This does not excuse my actions, but it is important context.
I have spent the last three and a half decades trying to improve myself: I’ve taken countless classes, earned multiple degrees, worked numerous prison jobs, and am one of the first people in the United States to earn a paralegal degree while incarcerated. My poetry and writing have been published in Poetry Unbound, Yellow Medicine Review, The Named and the Nameless, Daughters Magazine, MN Women’s Press, and Night Colors, as well as on the University of Arizona website. My art has been shown in multiple galleries and exhibits.
My greatest joy has been the ability to tutor and help others achieve their educational goals. I have also been a staunch advocate for other trans people in prison, even though that has sometimes meant considerable risk and retaliation.
I have a sincere need to give back to the world around me. I want to be a bone marrow donor to help another person live; I want to speak to LGBTQ youth about their value & purpose. I am equipped to pay rent on the planet through contribution and that is my number one goal. I have been parole-eligible for over 18 years but every time I go before the board, they give me conflicting and confusing answers about why they won’t release me. My support network believes it is personal retaliation because of all my advocacy in prison. They tell me advocating less for others may improve my own chances, but that is not how I want to live my life.
I’m asking you to give me a second chance by signing your support for my release. I am a first and last time offender and freedom will not be wasted on me. I think about integrity every day. Thank you.
FREE ZHI KAI! 